Whew! It seems like forever since I sat down and posted on this blog. The year 2024 did everything it could to test my faith, my strength, my emotional state. It was full of some things good, but the bad, scary, sad times tried its best to crowd out the good. Bad mojo didn’t win though. It didn’t stand a change againt me and my God!
The only way to describe 2024 was as a roller coaster. I started that year at the top of the roller coaster. My oldest granddaughter turned 21 in 2024 and she’s such a blessing. She’s grown up from a precious little girl to an amazing beautiful young woman. Not only is she beautiful on the outside she’s beautiful in the inside. Her soul is pure. Her compassion is great, her love for Jesus is amazing. She lives that love every day and people around her know that she is a child of God. 2024 saw her engaged to a wonderful Christian young man and they have a beautiful future ahead of them. I can’t wait to see where their lives lead them.
I knew the exact day that roller coaster was going to plunge to the bottom. Still, that plunge shook me to the core as I watched my youngest son, my baby boy go to prison. That’s a heartbreak that is really hard on a mama‘s heart. I knew he was guilty. He was guilty and we accepted a deal that could’ve been far worse if we had not taken the deal. My son going to prison was the lowest point of 2024, but it also caused that roller coaster to start rising again just a little bit. My son could’ve gotten a lot stiffer penalty. He also could’ve been sent to state prison, which in our state has a long history of being some place you never want to end up. By God‘s mercy, grace and love he got a deal that offered, in all probability, us seeing him home in six months. As another part of that deal, he was incarcerated in the best place you could be if you have to be incarcerated. When I left that courtroom the roller coaster was still teetering at the bottom. It was when I asked God to take control of my son that I could feel that roller coaster rise a little. I know he was sick and tired of me trying to give advice so I raised my hands to God, asking him to take control of my son. God told me to let go of the control I was trying to hold on to so He could take over. When I decided to do that, I felt a peace and comfort knowing that my son would be okay because God would never let go.
2024 also lead to another downside part of that roller coaster, as I saw my mom‘s mental health decline. I was really worried. I didn’t think that she really suffered from dementia or Alzheimer’s, but I do know that she suffered from narcissistic abuse from her narcissistic husband of 22 years. He started out the charming man, as most narcissistic people do. They traveled around with my aunt and uncle to help them with their funnel cake business. They took a cruise together, went dancing, had fun. After 10 years of marriage, the narcissistic side showed its ugly self.
My mom’s husband finally passed away in November 2024 after a couple of months of being on hospice care in her home. Right after that, the roller coaster came back up. My mom had control over her house again. My mom had control of what happened in her life, and her mental clarity started to return.
The roller coaster really went up to the top when my son was released in late January 2025. It was the first time he had seen his children in six months. He was able to video talk to them from the prison, but his wife not once brought the children up to see him. I hadn’t seen my grandbabies that 6 months he was in prison as his wife wouldn’t let me. I had to keep reminding myself that God’s got this.
My son kept reminding me I would see the kids when he got home. The roller coaster climbed back up when I got to spend time with them on each of their birthdays. which I would’ve missed if he had still been in prison. Just seeing their smiling faces once again and getting hugs and kisses from them, and them wanting to spend time with me, made that roller coaster go sky high.
I want to believe that roller coaster will stay at the top, at least for a long while. I have to keep talking to God about it as I’m so afraid that my son is going to fall into the same pattern of life he was in before, and that was being submissive to the wife he returned to. My son had lost himself. He had forgot what it was like to be a man and I was so in hopes being in prison would help him find it. I’m someone who doesn’t give up, thus the name of this blog. I always keep just a little hope, even if it’s just a little teaspoon full of hope. I always keep the prayers steadily going up to God. I had told my son when he was in prison, I was so proud of the way he had handled his time in there, that he handled it like a man, and now when he gets out, he needed to handle his personal life like a man. He needed to take the control back of his family and his household and his wife l. I haven’t seen that so far, but I’m just trying to hold on to that teaspoon of hope. I tend to think things are not any different before prison and after prison due to the fact he was released to his wife’s custody. She has a history between 3 husbands (my son is #3) of trying to destroy them. If my son were to do anything she doesn’t like, she threatens to call the cops and lie that he assaulted her, which she has done before. That action would send him right back to prison, this time with no parole until he had completed the whole sentence. I told him he just traded one warden for another one, only he is sleeping with this one! So, far the next three years, he has to play her game.
If you are on that roller coaster in your life, and right now it seems to be just going down, down, down , hang on. Don’t give up. It’s called a roller coaster because it goes down and up. It can’t keep going down forever. It’s going to have to come back up, so hold on for the ride. Don’t give up.
I DIDN’T GIVE UP! 