Oh, That Mountain!

Here we are, still sitting at the bottom of that huge mountain. All we can do is keep trying to chip away at it, but our efforts are as if we were using nothing more than a fork. Although we don’t want to give up our efforts, it’s time to stop and turn it over to the one who so effortlessly can move that mountain.

I’m a Mama Bear. I will do anything to protect my children/grandchildren, fight for them, guide them , trade my life for theirs if I needed to. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. But…I’m an enabler.

I do far more for one of my children than I should. I tell myself I do what I do for the two babies involved, and I truly believe that to be true. If I was to quit trying to kid myself, I would have to admit I do it for their daddy, too. He’s my youngest, and the neediest. He’s the one who is so lost at the very bottom of that mountain that he doesn’t have the physical, mental, or emotional strength to climb or even try to chip away at it. For every inch of progress made, he gets knocked back a foot. He just tries to get through each day and shield his children as best he can. He is a victim of verbal and emotional abuse. No, women aren’t the only ones who can be a victim. I know. I’ve experienced firsthand the daily hell he endures.

Friends, if you suffering from any type of mental illness, please seek help. There is no shame is admitting that you can’t deal with the symptoms of your mental illness yourself. Don’t expect your friends and family to be able to cope with it either. Get the help you need so not only will you have a better life, but your family can hopefully heal from the trauma you caused them. Seeking help is not a weakness.

People have a tendency to think all abuse victims are women. As I stated before, I can attest to the fact this is absolutely not true. Granted the abuse dished out from the female to the male is usually more verbal, it’s still abuse! Suffering from 24 hours of indignities being shouted at you is definitely abuse! Men can fill trapped in this abusive situation just as women victims fill trapped. Men are just more likely to suffer in silence so as to not appear weak.

My son stays in his current situation out of fear of the unknown. He’s afraid of losing his kids. At least by staying, he feels he is in a better position to protect his children. Seeing as the courts tend to lean toward the female having custody and control, he would have to worry every time they were in her custody. She can be in a full blown psychotic episode, screaming indignities and shouting accusations that verify her craziness, to the quiet, scared victim in the snap of a finger. I’ve seen it and experienced it first hand when I had to call the police to defuse the situation after she threatened to beat me up. I might add I’m 69, 4’ 11”, she’s 34, about 5’9”, and unhealthily skeleton thin. My 90 year old mother is traumatized every time we go to see the grand babies. She calls her mom over to jump right in and scream her own indignities at us.

She’s a big part of that mountain, but even her psychosis is only a pimple on that mountain’s butt! We spend a lot of time just trying to hide on the opposite side of the mountain from her until we can see the mountain coming down.

It’s a tragic, sad, unnecessary situation, bought about because she has been diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses and refuses medication or treatment of any kind.

Yes, I’m an enabler to make sure my precious grand babies are not left in need. I will not give up! God have mercy on us all!