I have always loved Christmas. I used to really decorate all over the house while Gary hung lights perfectly outside. After he passed away, I just didn’t feel the spirit, so the decorating shrunk and I’m ashamed to admit that my celebrating the birth of Jesus also shrunk. I knew the true meaning of Christmas, but I forget to remember.
It’s the time of year when people seem to change, mostly for the better. We decorate houses and put up trees. We wrap gifts, and get together with family. We celebrate the birth of Jesus.
It’s also the time of year when memories of a lost loved one makes the heart ache, and you feel alone. Today, I am missing a man who adored me, a man who thought I was greater than I am, a man who loved me just the way I am. Yes, today I feel alone.
Tonight is Christmas Eve, and I was sitting here crying, feeling sorry for myself, and feeling alone. I got my son in the car, picked up my Mom and we went to look at Christmas lights. Now I’m home, sitting in front of my tree, just looking at it as it really is pretty, probably the prettiest I’ve done. I fixed myself a cup of red hot apple cider and thought of how each ornament had to be placed just right, and how all the special ones were hung with love and care. One part of the tree, under where two doves sit is Gary’s remembrance section. A calm came over me looking at that tree. I’m not really alone. I have a God who will never leave my side. I have my special son who depends on me and needs me. I have my Mom who is my rock. I have a beautiful family, and even though we won’t all be together in person, I know we will all be together in spirit and love. Merry Christmas everyone!
I DIDN’T GIVE UP! 