Valentine’s Day, 2020. Five years without my valentine. The first of those five, I had my valentine, but he lay in CCU fighting for his life. I lost him 6 days later, so I didn’t really have him that Valentine’s Day.
The first few Valentine’s Days were sad and lonely. I knew there would be no more “I love you, Babe”, or dinner out, a bouquet of flowers, or a box of candy. I would just have memories of days past. My heart was broken and I knew there was a piece that would never be there. It was like a puzzle with a missing piece that you never find. You accept that piece is gone forever. You could probably fashion a piece out of something and make it somewhat fit, but it will never fit just right. You suffer through the commercials and ads reminding you to remember your sweetie with one gift or another. You just wish you could be with your love, no other gift needed.
Shortly after Gary passed away, I attended a Grief Share course. I met some wonderful ladies who have become good friends. We were in different stages of grief, so we were able to help each other through the stages one of us may have already been through. The kindred spirit of widowhood helped with the fears, anger, confusion, sense of loss, loneliness, and frustration. We get together for lunch or dinner, and check on each other. We’ve made it a tradition now to get together on Valentine’s Day and treat ourselves. We are getting to the place where we are able to share stories of when we had our other halves and smile or laugh. The missing our husbands has not disappeared. We are just learning to get through it as best we can. I can now think of Valentine’s past without sadness. I am thankful for the 43 years of shared Valentine’s.
Do I still miss Gary? Absolutely! I always will, just as I will always love him. Gary was a good man, and I was blessed he chose me. I know if he were here, I would still be his Valentine, and that makes me smile.
I DIDN’T GIVE UP! 